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why am i sad always.
why cant i just be happy?
there are people like me that are happy. Are they just too stupid to know that people just laugh at them and whisper things about them behind their backs?
i feel like everything that is a part of me is just being stripped completely away.
I used to be thin and pretty, desirable... Now im just some fat whore that shows too much cleavage and wears clothes that draw too much attention to herself.
Why cant i be good at taking pictures. Why does my own husband flaunt that hes better than me just to keep me feeling like shit. I just want to be encouraged. I want my own parents to say what i do is nice. I want someone to tell me im pretty. Not that i clean up okay when i want to. Not that what makes me happy (photography) is just a waste of money.
i want someone to see that im not some silly girl, someone to see that maybe somewhere in me im good at something. Maybe i need someone to show me. Maybe im not good at anything.
maybe im just going to keep getting more fat and more ugly and just see everyone around me surpassing me in life and skill, hobbies while i just get closer to dying. In just about any belief system its a sin to commit suicide but i suppose its not a sin if you dont believe huh.
i was supposed to be the girl that went away to college and made something of herself.
i was supposed to be the girl that got married and was happy.
My own husband cant look at me. Im just a hole to fuck.

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